What's Wrong With This Picture Lyrics

MIRANDA (spoken)
Why do you always do this? All I wanted was a normal family photo!
And you turned it into a one man show!

LYDIA
Here we go again
Another game of Hillard Family Feud

DANIEL (spoken)
I was just trying to make it fun! Remember fun?
A moment of silence in remembrance of fun!

LYDIA
Dad makes a joke
And then before you know it
Mum's unglued

MIRANDA (spoken)
Don't you dare make me out to be the bad guy here
You get all the fun and I get whatever's left!

LYDIA
I'm starting to feel
It's been forever since
They'vе really got along

DANIEL (spoken)
When you are thе one who is overreacting to something
That's ultimately not that big a deal

LYDIA
And we're caught
In between the bickering
What's wrong with this picture?

MIRANDA (spoken)
Because this is what you do!
You get a whim and you just act on it, without thinking about how it effects others
You're like 'Ready, Fire, Aim!'
And you miss
A lot

DANIEL (spoken)
Ok
I'm sorry. I'll do better
Now, who wants to play Mario Kart!

LYDIA
However the day begins
It always ends
With her nose out of joint
She tells him to : "Just grow up!"
Sometimes, I kind of see her point
Our home is like a battleground
It's breaking down
I'm trying to be strong
So I got to be the referee
To see what's wrong with this picture

ENSEMBLE
They're coming apart
Oh no!
What's wrong with this picture!
Well where do we start
To show what's wrong with this picture?
And they will never make it through
If he never gets a clue
No!
Oh, he's a funny one man show!
But she's not laughing anymore
What's wrong with this picture?

MIRANDA (spoken)
What are you doing home?
I thought you booked a commercial?

DANIEL (spoken)
Ugh, the director was an idiot

MIRANDA (spoken)
Let me guess, you improvised and he fired you?

DANIEL (spoken)
We 'parted' ways over creative differences
I was creative, he was different

MIRANDA (spoken)
This isn't a joke Daniel. That was national a tv spot!
I'm trying to start a new business here
We could have used the money!

DANIEL (spoken)
Hey!
Don't worry, it'll all work out!

ENSEMBLE
He always has a thought or two
But never stops to think them through
Hello!
If you're looking for fun
Then look no more!
Oh!
He has three kids
She has four
What's wrong with this picture?

[MIRANDA]
Well I thought it would get easier
But it just gets harder
It's made me the nagging wife
The martyr
I'm looking in the mirror
And I don't like what I see
The woman that I swore
I can be

NATALIE (spoken)
Daddy!

DANIEL (spoken)
Nattyfair!
And the Birthday Boy!
Wassup dude

[LYDIA, spoken]
Dad, why are you checking us out early?

DANIEL (spoken)
Because!
I have a birthday surprise!

CHRISTOPHER (spoken)
What?

DANIEL (spoken)
A party!

CHRISTOPHER (NATALIE)
Yeah! (Yes!)

LYDIA (spoken)
Wait! I thought mom said no parties because of his grades?

DANIEL (spoken)
Oh, she didn't mean that!

CHRISTOPHER (spoken)
What about school?

DANIEL (spoken)
It's fine, I took care of it! Just run
RUN!

LYDIA
All of my friends they say :
"You're a lucky girl
Cause your dad is really cool"
They find it amusing
When he comes
To sneaks us out of school
I know that he loves us
But sometimes y'know
He really makes me mad
I'm fifteen now
But still somehow
I feel older than my dad!

DANIEL (spoken)
LET'S PARTY!

ENSEMBLE
WHOO! WHOO!
WHOO! WHOO!

DANIEL
Everyone give it up for Christopher
Everyone give it up for Chris!
Everyone give it up for Christopher
Now watch him bust a move like this!
Chris you're 12
That's a whole dirty dozen
Your hormones are buzzing
And your peach fuzz is fuzzing
C to the H to the R, I, S
You know you're my bro
When you know you're the best
Now what do ya, what do ya say now?

CHRISTOPHER
It's my birthday!

DANIEL
What do ya, what do ya say now?

CHRISTOPHER
It's my birthday!

DANIEL
Come on and put your hands up!

ENSEMBLE
WHOO!

DANIEL
Come on and put your hands up!

ENSEMBLE
WHOO!

DANIEL (spoken)
And now, a special treat for the biggest soccer fan in the world!

STRIPPER (spoken)
Happy Birthday
Christopher!

DANIEL (spoken)
Woah!
Woah!
WOAH!
Who are you?
You're not what I booked!...

[Music cuts]

DANIEL (spoken)
Miranda?
Surprise

MIRANDA (spoken)
Kids. Upstairs please

LYDIA
Oh!
I've got a sinking feeling
I know!
She won't take this anymore

MIRANDA (spoken)
This isn't working

DANIEL (spoken)
It was a party. Who doesn't give their son a party on his birthday!

MIRANDA (spoken)
I'm not talking about the party
I'm talking about us
I thought I could make it
At least until the kids were grown
But all we do is fight
And our kids are paying the price!
I can't keep living like this!

DANIEL (spoken)
Ok!
Ok..
I hear you and
We'll go back to therapy

MIRANDA (spoken)
I'm still going
You stopped showing up!
I'm sorry, Daniel

DANIEL (spoken)
Wait-?
Sorry? Sorry for what?
What are you saying?

MIRANDA (spoken)
I want a divorce

ENSEMBLE
What's wrong with this picture!