Telly Lyrics

MR. WORMWOOD
Somewhere on a show I heard
That a picture tells a thousand words
So telly, if you bothered to take a look
Is the equivalent, of like, lots of books!

MR. WORMWOOD
All I know I learned from telly
This big beautiful box of facts
If you know a thing already
Baby, you can switch the channel over just like that

MR. WORMWOOD
Endless joy and endless laughter...
Folks living happily ever after...
All you need to make you wise
Is 23 minutes plus advertisements

MR. WORMWOOD
Why would we waste our energy?
Turning the pages 1, 2, 3
When we can sit comfortably
On our lovely bumferlies
Watching people singing and talking and doing stuff?!

MR. WORMWOOD
All I know I learned from telly
The bigger the telly, the smarter the man!
You can tell from my big telly
Just what a clever fella I am!

MR. WORMWOOD (SPOKEN)
Take it away, son!

MICHAEL (plunks out a few notes on a guitar)
You can't learn that from a stupid book.

MR. WORMWOOD
All I know I learned from telly -
What to think and what to buy
I was pretty smart already
But now I'm really, really smart - very very smart!

MR. WORMWOOD
Endless content, endless channels...
Endless chat on endless panels...
All you need to fill your muffin
Without having to really fink or nothing!

MR. WORMWOOD
Why would we waste our energy
Trying to work out "Ulysses"
When we can sit happily
On our lovely bapperlies
Watching slightly famous people
Talking to really famous people?

MR. WORMWOOD
All I know I learned from telly
The bigger the telly, the smarter the man!
You can tell from my big telly
Just what a clever fella I am!

MR. WORMWOOD (SPOKEN)
Who the dickens is Charles Dickens?
Mary Shelley? Cor, she sounds smelly.
Harry Potter? What a rotter.
Jane Austen? In the compostin'.
James Joyce? Doesn't sound noice.
Ian McEwan? Ugh, I feel like spewin'.
William Shakespeare? Schwilliam Schmakespeare.
Moby Dick? Easy, Grandma!

MR. WORMWOOD AND ENSEMBLE
All I know I learned from telly
The bigger the telly, the smarter the man!
You can tell from my big telly
Just what a clever fella I am!

MR. WORMWOOD
Thank you very much!