Schadenfreude Lyrics

GARY COLEMAN
Right now you are down and out and feeling really crappy

NICKY
I'll say

GARY COLEMAN
And when I see how sad you are
It sort of makes me...
Happy!

NICKY
Happy?!

GARY COLEMAN
Sorry, Nicky, human nature-
Nothing I can do!
It's...
Schadenfreude!
Making me feel glad that I'm not you.

NICKY
Well that's not very nice, Gary!

GARY COLEMAN
I didn't say it was nice! But everybody does it!

D'ja ever clap when a waitress falls and drops a tray of glasses?

NICKY
Yeah

GARY COLEMAN
And ain't it fun to watch figure skaters falling on their asses?

NICKY
Sure!

GARY COLEMAN
And don't cha feel all warm and cozy,
Watching people out in the rain!

NICKY
You bet!

GARY COLEMAN
That's...

GARY & NICKY
Schadenfreude!

GARY COLEMAN
People taking pleasure in your pain!

NICKY
Oh, Schadenfreude, huh?
What's that, some kinda Nazi word?

GARY COLEMAN
Yup! It's German for "happiness at the misfortune of others!"

NICKY
"Happiness at the misfortune of others." That is German!

Watching a vegetarian being told she just ate chicken

GARY COLEMAN
Or watching a frat boy realize just what he put his dick in!

NICKY
Being on the elevator when somebody shouts "Hold the door!"

GARY & NICKY
"No!!!"
Schadenfreude!

GARY COLEMAN
"Fuck you lady, that's what stairs are for!"

NICKY
Ooh, how about...
Straight-A students getting Bs?

GARY COLEMAN
Exes getting STDs!

NICKY
Waking doormen from their naps!

GARY COLEMAN
Watching tourists reading maps!

NICKY
Football players getting tackled!

GARY COLEMAN
CEOs getting shackled!

NICKY
Watching actors never reach

GARY & NICKY
The ending of their Oscar speech!
Schadenfreude!
Schadenfreude!
Schadenfreude!
Schadenfreude!

GARY COLEMAN
The world needs people like you and me who've been knocked around by fate.
'Cause when people see us, they don't want to be us,
and that makes them feel great.

NICKY
Sure!
We provide a vital service to society!

GARY & NICKY
You and me!
Schadenfreude!
Making the world a better place...
Making the world a better place...
Making the world a better place...
To be!

GARY COLEMAN
S-C-H-A-D-E-N-F-R-E-U-D-E!