Everyone's A Little Bit Racist Lyrics

PRINCETON
Say, Kate, can I ask you a question?

KATE MONSTER
Sure!

PRINCETON
Well, you know Trekkie Monster upstairs?

KATE MONSTER
Uh huh.

PRINCETON
Well, he's Trekkie Monster, and you're Kate Monster.

KATE MONSTER
Right.

PRINCETON
You're both Monsters.

KATE MONSTER
Yeah.

PRINCETON
Are you two related?

KATE MONSTER
What?! Princeton, I'm surprised at you! I find that racist!

PRINCETON
Oh, well, I'm sorry! I was just asking!

KATE MONSTER
Well, it's a touchy subject.
No, not all Monsters are related.
What are you trying say, huh?
That we all look the same to you?
Huh, huh, huh?

PRINCETON
No, no, no, not at all. I'm sorry,
I guess that was a little racist.

KATE MONSTER
I should say so. You should be much more
careful when you're talking about the
sensitive subject of race.

PRINCETON
Well, look who's talking!

KATE MONSTER
What do you mean?

PRINCETON
What about that special Monster School you told me about?

KATE MONSTER
What about it?

PRINCETON
Could someone like me go there?

KATE MONSTER
No, we don't want people like you-

PRINCETON
You see?!

You're a little bit racist.

KATE MONSTER
Well, you're a little bit too.

PRINCETON
I guess we're both a little bit racist.

KATE MONSTER
Admitting it is not an easy thing to do...

PRINCETON
But I guess it's true.

KATE MONSTER
Between me and you,
I think

BOTH
Everyone's a little bit racist
Sometimes.
Doesn't mean we go
Around committing hate crimes.
Look around and you will find
No one's really color blind.
Maybe it's a fact
We all should face
Everyone makes judgments
Based on race.

PRINCETON
Now not big judgments, like who to hire
or who to buy a newspaper from -

KATE MONSTER
No!

PRINCETON
No, just little judgments like thinking that Mexican
busboys should learn to speak goddamn English!

KATE MONSTER
Right!

BOTH
Everyone's a little bit racist
Today.
So, everyone's a little bit racist
Okay!
Ethinic jokes might be uncouth,
But you laugh because
They're based on truth.
Don't take them as
Personal attacks.
Everyone enjoys them -
So relax!

PRINCETON
All right, stop me if you've heard this one.

KATE MONSTER
Okay!

PRINCETON
There's a plan going down and there's only
one paracute. And there's a rabbi, a priest...

KATE MONSTER
And a black guy!

GARY COLEMAN
Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Kate?

KATE MONSTER
Uh...

GARY COLEMAN
You were telling a black joke!

PRINCETON
Well, sure, Gary, but lots of people tell black jokes.

GARY COLEMAN
I don't.

PRINCETON
Well, of course you don't - you're black!
But I bet you tell Polack jokes, right?

GARY COLEMAN
Well, sure I do. Those stupid Polacks!

PRINCETON
Now, don't you think that's a little racist?

GARY COLEMAN
Well, damn, I guess you're right.

KATE MONSTER
You're a little bit racist.

GARY COLEMAN
Well, you're a little bit too.

PRINCETON
We're all a little bit racist.

GARY COLEMAN
I think that I would
Have to agree with you.

PRINCETON & KATE MONSTER
We're glad you do.

GARY COLEMAN
It's sad but true!
Everyone's a little bit racist -
All right!

KATE MONSTER
All right!

PRINCETON
All right!

GARY COLEMAN
All right!
Bigotry has never been
Exclusively white

ALL
If we all could just admit
That we are racist a little bit,
Even though we all know
That it's wrong,
Maybe it would help us
Get along.

PRINCETON
Oh, Christ do I feel good.

GARY COLEMAN
Now there was a fine upstanding black man!

PRINCETON
Who?

GARY COLEMAN
Jesus Christ.

KATE MONSTER
But, Gary, Jesus was white.

GARY COLEMAN
No, Jesus was black.

KATE MONSTER
No, Jesus was white.

GARY COLEMAN
No, I'm pretty sure that Jesus was black-

PRINCETON
Guys, guys...Jesus was Jewish!

BRIAN
Hey guys, what are you laughing about?

GARY COLEMAN
Racism!

BRIAN
Cool.

CHRISTMAS EVE
BRIAN! Come back here!
You take out lecycuraburs!

PRINCETON
What's that mean?

BRIAN
Um, recyclables.
Hey, don't laugh at her!
How many languages do you speak?

KATE MONSTER
Oh, come off it, Brian!
Everyone's a little bit racist.

BRIAN
I'm not!

PRINCETON
Oh no?

BRIAN
Nope!

How many Oriental wives
Have you got?

CHRISTMAS EVE
What? Brian!

PRINCETON
Brian, buddy, where you been?
The term is Asian-American!

CHRISTMAS EVE
I know you are no
Intending to be
But calling me Oriental -
Offensive to me!

BRIAN
I'm sorry, honey, I love you.

CHRISTMAS EVE
And I love you.

BRIAN
But you're racist, too.

CHRISTMAS EVE
Yes, I know.
The Jews have all
The money
And the whites have all
The power.
And I'm always in taxi-cab
With driver who no shower!

PRINCETON
Me too!

KATE MONSTER
Me too!

GARY COLEMAN
I can't even get a taxi!

ALL
Everyone's a little bit racist
It's true.
But everyone is just about
As racist as you!
If we all could just admit
That we are racist a little bit,
And everyone stopped being
So PC
Maybe we could live in -
Harmony!

CHRISTMAS EVE
Evlyone's a ritter bit lacist!